Artifical Happiness

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 21:35:44 GMT

my new live journal is cliffycakes87 so add me there.

right on the money

Wed, 05 Jan 2005 03:27:10 GMT

You scored as Classic Rock.. Classic Rock.

</td>

Classic Rock.

100%

Punk and Pop Punk.

100%

Hardcore

92%

Indie Rock

79%

Britpop

75%

Indie

75%

Mainstream

42%

Industrial

38%

Ska

38%

Emo & More

38%

Hip Hop and Rap

25%

Country

17%

Music Recommendation
created with QuizFarm.com

...Its never easy on your own...

Mon, 06 Dec 2004 23:21:17 GMT

So I found out today that my uncle has cancer. I never thought it would make me as upset as I was when I found out about it. Its not like we are close I barely see the man at most I see him every four years. What bugs me the most is that we were supposed to see him for Thanksgiving this year but I being stupid decided I rather spend Thanksgiving with my boyfriends family then my own and made up every excuse in the book to get my parents to cancel their trip. I know that even though cancer doesn't have a cure there are still ways he could survive, however that is if he has money. See he doesn't he is very poor. He got a divorce a while back and has to pay child support because even though both kids are living with him he doesn't have legal custody of them. My aunt has full custody of them but they can't stand her. Also he is living in a one room apartment and is a handyman for a retirement home. That really isn't alot of money. And I'm not sure if I'm actually sorry for him or for my dad or if its because I'm starting to realize my own mortality.

I don't really have a strong faith in God if I actually have one. If there is one we haven't been on good terms in a while. My boyfriend and I go to church every sunday but I do it more for him then actually trying to establish a faith with God. Decartes says its better to believe in God and there not be one then to not and be wrong. I don't know if I agree with that. I'm not even sure how I truely feel about the subject I just don't want to get screwed over at the end. I know that doesn't sound nice but thats how most christians feel anyway so why try to sugar coat it?

I also found out that my cousin was pregnant. Two of my cousins were married so it didn't surprise me that one of them could be pregnant but I was wrong. Neither of them are having a baby my cousin that has an on again off again boyfriend that hates her father and has no respect for us at all is having a baby. When I found out I let out the biggest "Eww" in the entire world. I hope she does not marry this prick because if she does I will not go to the wedding. And since both of these are happening in the same state I'm thinking I'm going to have to go on a trip up North soon and winters up there are alot worse then they are here.

I'm such a huge bitch though because I worry about myself too much. I don't want to go visit either of them because I might not get to see my friends or boyfriend. And I worry about me getting hurt by my boyfriend dumping me. Its always about me. I wish for one day I could just take care of someone else and not see how it was eating up my time or what I could be doing instead. I'm so sick of who I am and how I treat people. I'm a horrible person.

Sat, 04 Dec 2004 01:30:42 GMT

You scored as Anarchist. Coochy choochy coo, what a cute little ANARCHIST we have here.
You see everything as a means to an end, and that end is You. You don't understand why some saps do community service cause you wouldn't be caught dead picking up trash unless you were in an orange jumpsuit. You're also pretty angry at the world but are too self-concerned to do anything about it because you are an anarchist. Understanding this statement would practically kill you, </td>

Anarchist

85%

Buddhist

70%

Jewish

60%

Catholic

55%

Cult

50%

Christian

45%

Religion
created with QuizFarm.com

...take it all back now...

Mon, 29 Nov 2004 04:24:54 GMT

you are indigo
#4B0082

Your dominant hues are blue and magenta. You're the one who goes to all the parties but doesn't quite fit in at every one... you know what you want, but are afraid of what the world might think of it. You're a little different and that's okay with them, and if you're smart it's okay with you too.

Your saturation level is very high - you are all about getting things done. The world may think you work too hard but you have a lot to show for it, and it keeps you going. You shouldn't be afraid to lead people, because if you're doing it, it'll be done right.

Your outlook on life can be bright or dark, depending on the situation. You are flexible and see things objectively.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

</center

...would you cry if I told you that I lied...

Sat, 27 Nov 2004 18:15:47 GMT

Wow, I haven't posted here in a looong time. I guess because I was afraid that if I posted anything that has happened that things between me and Sam would be over. Which is usually how things work with me. I spent Thanksgiving with his family up in Washington DC. It was really good, his mom's corn stuff was awesome. My mom made corn last night and it wasn't as good. Today is my parents 23rd anniversary and Sam and I are going out with them tonight because for some reason they don't want to spend time alone. My mom asked me pratically begged me the other night to join them.

I can really tell Sam cares about me and that makes me really happy. At thanksgiving dinner we had to go around the table and he said he was thankful for me. That was it! I was so surprised he didn't say family or health or the towtrucks. And he is also coming with us tonight even though he really doesn't like my dad all that much. He does alot of stuff for me and I'm really really happy. I'm so glad that I went to the junkyard with Danny and Jackie that one time. :)

Thats really it for my love life. As for friends I haven't really seen Jackie or Jess in awhile. I went and played pool with Jess, Pat, Steve, Aaron and Sam last night but I really didn't get to spend that much time with Jess because every time Pat finished his turn he would come over and make out with her until he had to play again. And this is the second time Pat has hit me with a ball. The first time I hung out with Sam he hit me square in the face with a volleyball and last night he hit me in the leg with the three ball. He couldn't get the cue ball to stay on the table. And for some reason last night neither could Sam and he is very good at pool.
I miss Jackie the most though cause we would do something at least once a month before I met Sam and then on Saturdays we would go up to Danny's and now we don't do any of that. I miss Saturday nights at Danny's. We really should do them again.

Schools okay I guess. I got 5 A's and 3 B's on my report card. I'm not doing that well in AP Euro and I hope I don't sink below a C but right now I'm still hanging on with a B. School is boring though I feel like I'm missing out on the real world when I'm there.

I'm still working at Silver Blade and I asked for more hours after thanksgiving break. I need it now because I got a car. We were supposed to go to New York for thanksgiving but I didn't want to and at the last minute my parents used the money from that to buy my dad a new car. I got his old car which I think he isn't happy about now cause he doesn't like his new car as much as his old one. Oh well...

I got lost yesterday driving home from Owingsmills Mall with my sister. I got off on to 795 on my way home. I then got on to 695 and took it to 29 and took that to 70 and got off on 40 eventually I ended up home but at the time I didn't know what routes I was on and called Sam up freaking out and my sister was screaming. It was a good time. We were lost for over an hour.

I enjoyed my four day weekend but now I'm looking forward to the christmas holidays. I'm done my christmas and birthday shopping for my mom and my dad. I still have two things to get for Sam and Jess and one thing for my Sister and Brittany. I'm not sure what to get Jackie other wise I would get her something but I haven't seen her in about two months. :(

I need to go get dressed for today. Sam's coming over in 3 hours and I know thats alot of time but I got things I have to do.

...you know me better then I know myself...

Tue, 21 Sep 2004 03:17:36 GMT

My work is finally giving me more hours! I'm so happy about that! My seventeenth birthday was yesterday and I got a cell phone so I'm mobile people! Finally after a year of Jessica nagging my parents to get me a cell phone they did. Sam went to dinner with my family to an italian resturant. If you don't know Sam well he doesn't like my dad which is understandable my dad isn't so nice to Sam and Sam doesn't like cheese and so he doesn't like italian. I made it up to him though ;).

This weekend is gonna be crazy I have to work friday and on Saturday we are going down to the Inner Harbor with Jess, Jason who is Sam's friend and Jason's girlfriend. I hope Pat can come but he probably won't get off work like he didn't last Saturday. Sunday I have to work and then I'm going over to Sam's for dinner and its a family fuction type of thing so I'm kind of nervous.

Thu, 16 Sep 2004 21:22:33 GMT

*Getting to know your TV*
What is your favorite TV show?	The OC
What cancelled TV show would you bring back if given the chance?	Sex and the City
Which reality TV show do you watch?	The Real World
What was your favorite children's show you watched as a kid?	Sesame Street
If you could CANCEL one TV show, which one would you dump?	The Bachelor
What television character would you gladly run away with and MARRY?	Seth Cohen
Which TV show character most resembles you in your life?	Donna on That 70s show
Which TV show character looks most like you?	Donna now that she has blonde hair
Christian Troy or Sean McNamara?	Christian Troy
Which Sex in the City character are you?	Charlotte
Seth or Ryan?	Seth
Who would you rather spend the day with: Will, Grace, Jack or Karen?	Jack
Seinfeld: Genius or Ridiculous	Genius
What tv show do you think is/was most influential?	Seinfeld
Cable or Satellite?	CABLE
Which TV character has your dream job?	Roz on Fraiser
Who's your favorite character on the Sopranos?	Christopher
Which CSI do you prefer: Las Vegas or Miami?	Miami
Which Law and Order do you prefer? (I'd give you a list, but I don't know all of them	SVU
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Thu, 16 Sep 2004 21:18:24 GMT

Wow this is the most I have been on the computer in months. At first my computer broke down but after we got it fixed I just really didn't care about it anymore. So alot has happened which is awesome. I have been spending more time at Jackie's not what Jackie and I had planned. We planned to hang out more but I'm just at her house more.... I'm with there with Sam hanging out with Pat and Jessica most of the time. But at least I get to see Jackie more.

So I started dating this guy Sam who is Jackie's older brother Jim's friend. I met him in like May when Jackie and I spent the day alone and then when Danny came to hang out we went to a Junkyard and we had to call Jim to come up to help him and Wendell get a car door off a car. Well apparently Sam was asking about me and I really didn't think much of it. Then the last weekend of August Danny was having a house warming party which was also Jackie and Lily's joint birthday party. So we work it out that Jackie's parents who are going to the party too will drive me down there when I get off work. Well I manage to get off early so I call Jackie's mom while I'm at work. She told me the plans have changed and that Jim and his girlfriend and Sam were coming to get me. And I was like ookay... and thought it was weird then she told me that they were trying to set me up with Sam. Well I walk back into the Salon and start to sweep up hair when I look at Jen's customer and realize thats Sam. Jen walks outside with Sam and I can see Jim talking to them. When Jen comes back in I ask her if it was Sam and she said yes and I tell her why I asked and Jen tells Jim. Jim thinks its hysterical and later calls Sam as he is leaving to tell him. But I had alot of fun hanging out with all of them and I gave Sam my number. He calls me the next day and invites me to go swimming with him and Jim, Jim's girlfriend, Pat (Jim's younger brother) and his friend Randy. And like for three weeks straight I saw Sam everyday. Yesterday was the first day I didn't get to see him but I was sick and he was fixing up his basement so we don't have to bug Jackie's family everytime we want to hang out somewhere. He called me later but I had fallen asleep. I'll call him when he gets off.

Sam is a really great guy though and I have alot of fun with him so I'm really happy. Oh yeah and I set my bestfriend up with Pat later and it worked out really good. Its cool cause we can all hang out now. :)

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 23:06:53 GMT

YOUR PORN STAR NAME: (NAME OF FIRST PET + STREET YOU LIVE ON)
I never had a pet... so I don't get to do this one

YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (NAME OF YOUR FAVORITE SNACK FOOD + GRANDFATHERS FIRST NAME)
Combo William

YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME: (FIRST WORD YOU SEE ON YOUR LEFT + FAVORITE RESTAURANT)
Paper Pargo

EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS: (Favorite Spice + Last Foreign Vacation Spot)
Hazel Morocco

SOCIALITE ALIAS: (Silliest Childhood Nickname + Town Where You First Partied)
Katie Marriottsville

"FLY GIRL" ALIAS (a la J. Lo): (First Initial + First Two or Three Letters of your Last Name)
K. Cli

ICON ALIAS: (Something Sweet Within Sight + Any Liquid in Kitchen)
Coco Sprite

DETECTIVE ALIAS: (Favorite Baby Animal + Where You Went to High School)
Kittie Liberty

BARFLY ALIAS: (Last Snack Food You Ate + Your Favorite Alcoholic Drink)
Pretzel Vodka

SOAP OPERA ALIAS: (Middle Name + Street Where You First Lived)
Noel Wilton

ROCK STAR ALIAS: (Favorite Candy + Last Name Of Favorite Musician)
Reeses Lazzard

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 03:20:22 GMT

This is two weeks ago but it really struck me today because I allowed myself to watch the preview in full. I'm sitting at home watching the opening scenes for six feet under and I'm disqusted. I feel like I'm going to puke. I wouldn't watch the episode from last week because I knew what would happen. I would turn on the show towards the end and know that David was going to get hurt. I hadn't seen the previews so I didn't know ahead of time but I could scense it and I would turn it. Well now seeing the previews I'm so angry that people are actually like that. You shouldn't ever have to beg for your life. That is so horrible it makes me want to cry. Just because someone is gay doesn't mean they don't hurt or have the same feelings we do. They are not below us and I can't stand people that treat gay people like the scum of the earth. The are people just like us. I have such a problem with prejudce people. And where I live I have to deal with alot of them. God I can't stand this shit anymore...

Tue, 20 Jul 2004 17:32:19 GMT

Movie Partners (Girls Only!) by churchbabe
Your Username
Lord of the Rings Partner	Sam
Star Wars Partner	Jar-Jar
Pirates of the Caribbean Partner	Captain Jack Sparrow
Finding Nemo Partner	Squirt
Harry Potter Partner	Harry Potter

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Thu, 08 Jul 2004 00:56:09 GMT

Which generic smut novel character are you? (With somewhat relevant pictures!)

The Obscenely Wealthy Heiress

Poor dear, all alone in your opulent estate, with no one but a tight-fisted, controlling prude of a relative to keep you company. Perhaps you can entreat some strapping young lad into educating you in the ways of the world.

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Tue, 06 Jul 2004 20:26:44 GMT

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	erotic
Your hugs are...	to die for
Your eyes...	burn into my heart
Your touch is...	awakening my heart
Your smell is...	exotic
Your smile is...	amazing
Your love is...	one of a kind

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

... it's my life...

Fri, 02 Jul 2004 02:50:57 GMT

FILL THIS OUT USING SONG TITLES FROM ONE BAND...

I'm going with No Doubt

1. Are you male or female?: Just A Girl
2. Describe yourself: Trapped in a box
3. How do some people feel about you?: Big Distraction
4. Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: Everythings Wrong
5. How do you feel about yourself: Hateful
6. Where would you rather be?: Greener Pastures
7. Describe what you want: Simple kind of life
8. Describe how you live: Hella Good

Your Icon is..... by d3athofs3asons
Your Name
Your Age
Your B-day
Your Icon Is....

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

...get back to where we lasted...

Wed, 30 Jun 2004 02:43:44 GMT

I really have no idea why I'm here. this isn't like oh I'm gonna kill myself type of entry... I just don't know what I want to do with my life. I mean for the longest time I wanted to be a writer or journalist and then I wanted pshycologist. I dunno I mean I still want to do those things I'm just like afriad for the future. I mean will I have enough money? Will I get married? I hate these questions and they just keep popping up.

I really hate having this introspective mind sometimes because it keeps me up at night and I hate bugging myself with questions like these. I also feel like whenever I go to talk about this to someone else I feel like I'm whining about it. I feel like I'm whining about my whole life....

Wed, 30 Jun 2004 00:54:06 GMT

Okay so I just wanted to let everyone know I got my background from Pixelgirlpresents by Shana Victor and my icon from evil cuppy cake because I don't want anyone to think I just took it. Plus my old background was boring me. I want to thank Lily for showing me that stuff :)

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 23:45:59 GMT

Pixiedust8791 Highway

Confusion Lane	3
Contentment Meadows	24
TravelWorld	64
Study Hall	104
Tower of Commitment	360
Please Drive Carefully

Where are you on the highway of life?

From Go-Quiz.com

...when I go driving I stay in my lane...

Fri, 25 Jun 2004 20:26:45 GMT

Alright so I just got a letter in the mail saying once I renew my learners permit that if I wait 6 months I don't have to take my drivers test. The MVA will send me a card making my permit my full liscense and then when I go to renew that thats when I get a real liscense card. OH I'M SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT. I took a practice permit test at Summit to see if I remember everything and I just passed it by a .005 of a point. So yeah I'm happy. I hope I do well. I'm going Monday to renew it.

I got Sixteen another book by Megan McCafferty. and kitten heel sandles. So all in all my day has been pretty good. I still have to go to work tomorrow. Hopefully things go well there because if they don't then I'm gonna quit.

JANES ADDICTION BROKE UP AGAIN I'm not a big fan of theres but I just thought I'd let you all know that. Perry is leaving the band but the others want to go on or something like that...

... my coco...

Fri, 25 Jun 2004 04:11:25 GMT

OMG... after so much shit I have felt so good. I went to the Carnival with Lily, Josh and Jackie. We had so much fun even though Josh puked. We went on the tilt a whirl or as Lily renamed it the tilt a gasm. Hahaha... yeah the carnie was checking us out the whole time. And the last time we got on we almost didn't because they were full but he moved people around so we could all sit together. I saw so many friends and I had a blast.

I got my report card. Unweighted GPA 3.75 so I'm happy with that. And I got my schedule.

Semister one A Day

period one : Physics - Durkin
period two : Business Math - Giffhorn (yes!!! he is the best teacher ever)
period three: AP Euro - Regan
period four: Sociology - Bobbitt ( brownie points she loves me and I have her for homeroom)

B Day

period one : Brit Lit - Farley (goddamnit I should kill myself now)
period two : Intro to Analysis - Kohr (ugh... not again... to much homework)
period three : Psych 1 - Bangle
period four: Health 2 - Murray (she doesn't even know who I am)

S2

A day
same
same
same
period four: Psych 2 - Regan

B day
same
same
period three: Ancient Medieval -Wamsley (my most favorite teacher ever)
period four: Creative Writing - Flemming (he hates me for who I hang out with and he yammers on and on so we get jack shit done)

ahh well... I better be off.... I need to find out what I'm doing tomorrow

...no you are sloppy firsts...

Thu, 24 Jun 2004 00:23:39 GMT

so I had a breakthrough... I'm really not happy with how my life is. Yeah sure now the family and friend drama is over I should be happy right? Wrong cause for some reason I feed off that drama. Well techincally the drama isn't over considering I get pulled into the middle of Jeremy and Shelley's nasty break up making me mediator which I kind of walked into without meaning too... but I haven't talked to them since Friday night so right now I'm not apart of that drama. Everything right now is going down the crapper. My mom tells me I shouldn't tell anyone this but I really don't fucking care if people think less of me then they already do because well I have nothing else to loose since I really don't like who I am. I failed my drivers test the other day and as of tomorrow I won't have a permit so I won't be able to drive anywhere until Friday which some people see as not so bad.

I'm starting to notice, well correction I have noticed for years now but I have no balls up until this point to point it out to anyone besides Jessica that most of my friendships are out grown. Most of these friendships I have with people I take for granted because no matter what we do or say we all see eachother as we were when we were in 7th grade and are unwilling to allow the other ones to change into who they are now coming on 17 and 18 year olds, which is really quite pathetic. And no one from the group is willing to admit that party because we know once we do that we are going to be unable to take the blinders off and see eachother for who they really are and then we won't have anyone to hang out with our senior year because the "popular" kids have already judged us or the group for the most part will stay the same but certain members won't be such next year. I know I have alienated each and everyone of them this year in some way shape or form which is really why I can't understand why the forgave me for like the third time of screwing them over. I mean I love them for being so forgiving but is it really helping us? I mean every year there is always one knock down drag out fight in which I usually am at one end of it and then everyone gets dragged in the middle of it. And I'm kind of afraid how their reaction will be when they read this but I mean I do care for each of them dearly... I just think we need to respect eachothers differences... I don't want to loose them as friends but we haven't really had any meaningful conversations so the friendships sometimes feel superfical from my side of it... or its maybe just because I'm the only superfical one of the group and have been to busy in my own life to ever stop and think about these other people I claim I care about. Today was Julia's birthday and I was sick and didn't get to go hang out with them and that made me sad because I feel like now I won't be able to reconnect with any of these people to at least salvage some form of friendship.

Then there are the few that I blow off continuely that I don't even consider my best friends. This includes Shelley and Carissa. I wish I didn't do this... I mean I have been trying to be a better friend to Shelley because I see how Jess has sometimes treated me and I saw I was doing that to her and I don't want to be a friend to her like Jess was up until graduation. Shelley has some issues and I feel like thats why I push her away because she reminds me too much of my dad side of the family... which my parents have always told me don't follow in that path cause look how they are. And I really shouldn't do that cause you know I realize in the converstations i have had with her she isn't totally like them at all. And now I reget how I treated her and would like to hang out with her more but since she graduated she hasn't been home that much and I can't seem to get a hold of her. Carissa, well she always called me on my bullshit and saw through my sarcastic remarks. she couldn't ever understand why I was so unhappy all the time. Then Carissa calls me while I'm on vacation which surprised me and asked me to go to the carnival to see her while she works because she is grounded and I told her I would but I lost alot of sleep last night because I got so caught up in these books that have helped me with my breakthrough I'm to lazy to go anywhere.

I don't understand why all these people are willing to be my friend after I treat them like this... they call me and are like we miss you but why miss someone that treats you like this is beyond me...

Then theres this codependancy of my fantasy white knight. I have to find my "Marcus" cause for some reason I have to have a boyfriend. Though all my boyfriends before this have been because I have simply wanted a boyfriend not because I actually care about the guy. Yeah I'm worthless.. But the fact is I'm so sick of being alone that I really want one... this time I won't settle just to have a boyfriend but I want one. I'm sick of waiting I want someone to come up and proclaim their undying love to me but some one suitable...someone that I'm so shallow enough to find attractive and funny. Wow I sound like a bitch now but guess what I don't care anymore and won't censor myself even if that means I have less friends now.

As for my family life I'm really unhappy about how my relationship wiht my parents are. I wish that my dad wouldn't harp on me so much about school, exersize and work. If I don't know it by now I will never know it. And he knows how much I hate politics but always seems to manage to bring it up to whatever subject that is up for debate. And its just like enough already I wish we had a normal father daughter relationship you see in movies. Where he didn't make me cry and actually hugged me. But our relationship will never be like that because I'm not of my mom's persona. I'm to hot tempered and loud like he is.
My relationship with my mom is always tettertottering because though I go to her because I love her nuthering nature and sometimes need that to make me feel better about myself we seem to mix like oil and vinager. We don't see eye to eye about most things because our personalities are so much different.

The thing that is probably the most straining is the on going fourteen year sibling rivalry I have with my sister because I'm on a constant ego trip that since I'm older she has to respect me and listen to me. If I had just shown her a little bit of kindness when we were little I know we would of never turned out like this. Things seem to get better now that we will both be in highschool but going back to New York reafferemed that nothing catstrofic has changed because when we get their our cousins still try to get us to pick fights with eachother as their form of entertainment. And somehow I still continue to fall for it.

Finally the thing I must stop doing. I need to stop lieing to everyone about what I'm really thinking and feeling. I need to be honest with people. Thats something I don't do enough even though I'm very emotional and all of my friends have seen it I still hold alot back just because I'm to afraid to desturb the peace of the heard. And I have this to all thank because yesterday I was walking mindlessy around a bookstore stopped infront of one bookcase saw the spine of a book and picked it up because it looked cool and different from any other book I have ever seen. By chance the inside flap was actually something I was willing to read because I still like to read about people changing and going through highschool and falling in love and crap so I decided to pick up the second part of it too just in case I liked it. If not I could return it no big thing. Well it wasn't just about highschool, well it was but it was different then all the petty highschool stories I have read it changed how I think and I'm really glad I read it now.

Look Ash! I get to marry your boyfriend! LOL but I'll be 61! :(

Wed, 23 Jun 2004 01:40:44 GMT

so who gets the better deal...?

Which Harry Potter actor are you gonna end up marrying? by deann
Username:
fave color:
age:
Harry Potter actor:	Dan Radcliff (Harry Potter)
Date:	May 6, 2048

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

...all the time you wasted...

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 16:02:25 GMT

I'm so sick of being on family vacations. I have to spend to much time with my immediate family and that isn't good. My sister likes to cause problems so there is plenty of fighting. It's really annoying I can't wait to go home because then it goes back to we only see eachother for a few hours and we don't fight. In two weeks I'm going on another family vacation. Oh god.

I miss all my friends and I can't wait to go home and help Jackie make shirts and hang out with Shelley and Jess. I miss them all so much and there is so much I have to tell them. Its so hard being here and not getting to talk to them. I don't get to use my parents cellphones durning the day because of their plan it costs alot to call during the day we only use it for emergancies and then at night when its cheap enough its really late and I don't want to be bothering everyone while they are trying to sleep. I mean a few I could call because they have their own seperate line but I dunno if I want to try that.

I started watching Sex and the city while I was here and I really like that show now. I'll get back from spending time with relatives and I'm not tried so I watch that show and it just makes me laugh. I'm serious I have never been this upset about spending time with my family before but there is so much more drama. And I'm so sick of drama we just got over this with my friends and now its starting up with family. :(

...make whole again...

Tue, 15 Jun 2004 20:54:04 GMT

So we went up to Canada today. I wasn't feeling good when I got up I was puking and crap but it got worse when we got there. I had a panic attack and was really dizzy, I couldn't breath. I was breathing so heavily it sounded worse then when I ran the mile at school. LOL. I got some gatorade and mints then when I was a little more stable we went and got me something to eat. My mom thought it was low blood sugar. I dunno...

Later we went to this African store and Andrew Danjumbo or however you spell it from While you where out was there. I was like OMG! thats sad because he is like my first celebrity or whatever. My mom said hi to him and wanted to ask for a picture but I was like Mom thats really dumb and this other girl was like "Can I have your autograph?" I was laughing so hard.

I have to go driving so that should be interesting. I got to go in a horse and buggie ride. That was fun. I like Canada I want to move there maybe. But I don't think I could give up my American citizenship.

Play sausage! Who has the longest?

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 20:09:33 GMT

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created by nightway

How to make a Pixiedust8791

Ingredients:

5 parts competetiveness

5 parts crazyiness

3 parts empathy

Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Top it off with a sprinkle of emotion and enjoy!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

How to make a Kaitlyn

Ingredients:

1 part competetiveness

5 parts silliness

5 parts

Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Top it off with a sprinkle of curiosity and enjoy!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

So I just wanted to say hey. Saw my uncle get ordaned yesterday. Hung out with my cousin Ryan for most of the day and got to know him because I usually hang out with his sister Kyle but she didn't come up and Ryan usually hangs out with Peter and Al but they both had their girlfriends to tend to. Everyone used to say that I would be second of the grandkids to get married after Eileen. Well Eileen got married but its starting to look like Al will be the next one because him and Kayla are an awful lot like Matt and Dar. So thats really adorable. We played pig which is like a family tradition. I love that game. Ryan lost because it was his first time but hey he was a good sport about it. Norm, Ryan, Jackie, Howard, Audra and Miles leave today so I will miss them I'm glad that Trish didn't come up because I wouldn't of been able to deal with her drinking and bullshit. Dar told me that she would get drunk after she got up and asked Dar to come drink with her. LOL. Yeah my aunt can't hold her liquor but neither can I.

We went to see my grandfather today. Thats really depressing because the disease he has is really starting to affect him. He can only spit out yes or no and he either laughs or crys when he can't say those. He is really frail and its so depressing to see him like that. It makes me wish sometimes that he would just die because it would be better then living in that nursing home all by himself. I feel so bad thinking that though.

I had an emotional breakdown yesterday after my uncle got ordaned. Cause at the time I was really poed with Norm and Ryan and everyone else was but they weren't saying anything to them and I couldn't understand why because Norm and Ryan have done this to us more then once so you would think someone would say hey act like your family. And then cause i'm the only one my age I have no one to hang out with cause everyone else is pretty close in age. Me and Al are born the same year but he is busy with Kayla so I was angry and I was just getting mad at little things they were saying to me. like Dar was just kidding and saying I was no help and I fliped out and then my dad made a crack at my SAT score which was really low and that did bother me. So no one was talking to me but that was because I was inaproacable and just standing there with tears and a scowl on my face but by mid afternoon I got it all together and everyone apolgoized. That was kind of lame of me but like seriously the are really fake the five of them together and sometimes it just really bugs me. I mean why pretend to be happy with someone who really pissed you off when you can just tell them "hey that really made me mad please don't do that again," i think its better to be upfront with people but thats just me.